Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in razorbldz00's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
5:54 pm	Im unstable well well well where to begin, school is crazy! fuckin exams got me stressin, idk what ima do cuz i been doin reviews for the past few nights, and i dont know any of this shit! ima fail math...hafta take it agian next year... blah So yea life sucks, so does bein depressed, but i guess thats jus how its gotta be since mom dont wanna help blah i think thats all for tonight, maybe ill write more if i come back lata Current Mood: blah (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
7:57 pm	Im havin stupid suicidal thoughts Shit is just gettin worse, and i dont know why i feel like this. I cant fuckin stand my self, or my family, or anything for that matter. i feel forgotten i dont know why but i do i feel like chopped liver, no one has time unless they need me...its bullshit really...and im so done. Yea me and my dad still arent talkin, and today durin my sisters lil birthday gatherin i realize how much he enjoys bein around my sister, but yet when i am any where near him he leaves the room or turns into a total dick head So at the soccer game mom said something about whats the point in livin when all my shit is payed for and i have everything i could ever want. i got so pissed. if she would take the time and actually listen to me she would know that thats not why im depressed. the way i am treated by EVERYONE makes me depressed....but thats just the effect ppl have on me. and i guess i have the same effect on ppl to cuz i depress all my freinds...yea im out Current Mood: crappy (Comment on this)
4:01 pm	So, today isnt the best day of the year Yea house is still pretty tense...my dad is home and i had to talk to him to get him outta my way ill be back later when everyone is gone, byebye Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Monday, May 24th, 2004
6:19 pm	Im sorry ive become so cold hm so yea ... my mom got a her truck fixed so i got my car back! YAY! and some guy at my moms work fixed the door! its very exciting! Ive kinda gotten a reality check. im not gonna say how or by who, but i did. And im sorry to everyone who ive pushed away in that last week and a half, and im sorry for the way ive been acting. Blah, home life sucks...but hey no one really cares ARGH! as kelli would say Ill be back in a few with a poem ....i think Current Mood: numb (1 Comment |Comment on this)
11:10 am	Ima girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown Heres the update: I havent seen my dad is 5 days, and i havent talked to him in 6 YAY...we try to avoide eachother...we are in the same house, at the same time, but we manage not to see eachother Well this weekend i went up to traverse city with my aunt to visit and help my gma and gpa. We painted and started to move stuff around. it was pretty fun for the most part. The kids were terrible...they we hell children this weekend. It was bad. I went shoppin while i was up there. i bought the Adema CD and i bought a drowning pool tshirt. It was only 4.99 so i had to... then i went into steve and barries with my aunt and bought a shirt that said pysch ward. Mom dont like it but i care... On the way up to traverse city my aunt jan filled me in on some family drama. Aparntly My uncle is not my cousins real dad. ANd hes leaving for LSSU in a few months, and they arent gonna tell him. Could you imagine being 18 and not knowing who your real dad is? Thats terrible. i guess my aunt was date raped and instead of puttin this guy in jail, she told him that he could never make him self known to my cousin. But he will be 18 and this guy should come and find him!!!!i think its a bunch of bull shit Hmm idk what else to write about...Oh i dont really like that person any more because i know i have no chance, and yea hes got a gf. so ill jus be friends with him I havent talked to joe in forever! hes never online anymore....oh well ill talk to him later tonight hopefully or tomorow morning! Byebye! Current Mood: lazy (Comment on this)
11:10 am	Ima girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown Heres the update: I havent seen my dad is 5 days, and i havent talked to him in 6 YAY...we try to avoide eachother...we are in the same house, at the same time, but we manage not to see eachother Well this weekend i went up to traverse city with my aunt to visit and help my gma and gpa. We painted and started to move stuff around. it was pretty fun for the most part. The kids were terrible...they we hell children this weekend. It was bad. I went shoppin while i was up there. i bought the Adema CD and i bought a drowning pool tshirt. It was only 4.99 so i had to... then i went into steve and barries with my aunt and bought a shirt that said pysch ward. Mom dont like it but i care... On the way up to traverse city my aunt jan filled me in on some family drama. Aparntly My uncle is not my cousins real dad. ANd hes leaving for LSSU in a few months, and they arent gonna tell him. Could you imagine being 18 and not knowing who your real dad is? Thats terrible. i guess my aunt was date raped and instead of puttin this guy in jail, she told him that he could never make him self known to my cousin. But he will be 18 and this guy should come and find him!!!!i think its a bunch of bull shit Hmm idk what else to write about...Oh i dont really like that person any more because i know i have no chance, and yea hes got a gf. so ill jus be friends with him I havent talked to joe in forever! hes never online anymore....oh well ill talk to him later tonight hopefully or tomorow morning! Byebye! Current Mood: lazy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
8:10 pm	What to do what to do Update : my dad hasnt said one word to me since hes been home...and he wont even look at me YAY mission accomplished On the other hand, im so confused about something. im startin to fall for someone but last i knew he has a gf, and he is the kinda guy who would NEVER EVER go for me...but what kinda guy would go for me? lol yea...im confused. hes so great! Hmm...what else..yea i failed a test in math i got a 32 out of 90...so that dropped my A- to a C- .....NIIIIICE i might add. well i think im gonna go back into my room until my dad goes to bed Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
4:29 pm	Yea life sucks whats new Ok, now i cant have my background on my computer....it says sorry im not perfect. So any of my "depressing" or "angry" graphics i have i cant use. Yea gay...so hmm im sure ill have more to update on when my moms husband returns. so ill write more then Current Mood: pissed off (Comment on this)
3:02 pm	Im better off dead Ok get this, my dad fuckin flipped out on me cuz my cell phone wasnt charged..but he has my charger...makes sense right? hes fuckin retarded i was only home for 5 minutes and he was bitchin at me..i cant wait for him to get home tonight...ugh yea i fuckin hate it here... yea i used my stress relieving technique last night...:( it worked....posdfj i fuckin hate it here ill write more later Leave comments! Current Mood: crappy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 18th, 2004
3:16 pm	Ugh Yea today was pretty gay...i was the biggest bitch ever...ppl fuckin annoy the piss outta me... whats wrong are you ok are you mad at me ugh yea it gets kinda annoyin after first blk. but yea second blk was ok i took a test...and prolly failed...got a test back in which i did fail.....yea..and i was bored because someone went home before second blk. HINT HINT! lol well ill write more later byebye Current Mood: cranky (Comment on this)
Monday, May 17th, 2004
9:05 pm	Well hmm so yea im jus kinda chilin here kinda annoyed with the world. Ya im kinda sick of everyone but hey whats new...i kinda feel used....i kinda feel shity....but if i keep ~him~ in mind ill feel jus fine. so yea i have a math test tomorow and i didnt study so yea ima have to use ALL of my notes...thats kinda gay. joe and jesi broke up :( im upset about this... they were so happy with each other. so yea...im kinda starting to like someone..but the only one who really knows is kelli...but yea...i kinda really like him...hes so cute and funny and sweet and yea i jus like him lol .....but mm...i think im outtie for now....ill write more later ~:::~:::~sigh~:::~:::~ Mandy Current Mood: weird (Comment on this)